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Faking the Holiday Spirit

Is it me or does the “Holiday season” seem to come earlier each year. The Holiday decorations seem to come out when stores are having summer clearance, the Christmas music is played a 3 weeks earlier and the shopping madness starts right after Halloween.

When I was really sick and burned out I just wanted to crawl back in bed and not deal with the holidays. I hated every moment of it. All I wanted for Christmas was my front tooth, my health, my energy, and my life back. My tooth? Yes. When I was sick my front tooth had to be extracted due to an infection in the bone. Lovely.

I could not get into the “Holiday Spirit!” I did not have that euphoric feeling and love for mankind. I tried and couldn’t achieve Holiday Nirvana. So I decided to put on my holiday boots and fake the “Holiday Spirit!” I watched all the holiday flicks, I went to see Santa with the kids, I made cookies. The deception continued with my family, friends and the community. I would go out to the neighborhood holiday parties and have superficial chats.  I ended up lip syncing the Christmas Carols.  I would put of the plethora of decorations only hoping to take them down as soon as possible. I just wanted it all to be done!

I was exhausted, numb and even more burned out! I just wanted to be alone in my bed or in the hospital so someone could take care of me.

Looking back, I now know why the experience was so painful and draining for me. I didn’t honor myself. I was too busy pleasing everyone else and I created expectations that never really existed. I felt guilty if I couldn’t make a friend’s party. I felt I was letting my kids down if I didn’t participate in every holiday event. I felt I was letting the world down if I took a nap or just said “no!”

This Holiday Season I am alive and free! I feel the best I have in my entire life! It started by honoring me. By saying “no” and putting in boundaries. By not having any expectations of myself or of the people in my life. I take naps when I feel like it. I don’t over plan. I am truly grateful for everything and everyone in my life. Funny thing. The world gave back to me. I have both front teeth. But most importantly I have co-created a world with such a loving high vibration I am able to freely give from my heart and not my egoic mind. I don’t have to fake anything anymore.